Internalised Patriarchal Low Self Worth

I wanted to share this song because I’ve been having trouble accepting my own self-worth in romantic relationships lately, despite years of copious emotional strategising to deal with it.

I wrote it in 2014 after a painful breakup that I had blamed entirely on my own unworthiness. I filmed it in this location especially because it’s the spot that found me desperately trying to fuck my way back into the relationship with some ‘please don’t leave me, I’ll be better’ sex in the middle of the night.

I think the cause is in no small part to do with the fact that I have spent my life swallowing the patriarchal platitude that tells me if a man doesn’t love me it is because I have failed. I should change to be more worthy.

So fuck that and here’s to more strategising. I’m committed to feeling my own self worth.

Am I Delusional?

Yesterday was a bad day. I went to a job interview. If you’ve been following my posts you’ll know that full-time work is both terrifying for disability reasons and increasingly necessary for financial reasons. I did not get the job and I’m beginning to feel rather sad and hopeless.

I wanted to share this song with you all because it was written a year ago when I was battling with myself about the same issues, terrified that freelancing would cause financial ruin and I still haven’t solved my problems or answered my questions...