Am I Delusional?

Yesterday was a bad day. I went to a job interview. If you’ve been following my posts you’ll know that full-time work is both terrifying for disability reasons and increasingly necessary for financial reasons. I did not get the job and I’m beginning to feel rather sad and hopeless.

I wanted to share this song with you all because it was written a year ago when I was battling with myself about the same issues, terrified that freelancing would cause financial ruin and I still haven’t solved my problems or answered my questions...

Disability - Calling in sick

I am out of spoons. A cold has triggered some of the more horrid bits of my disability. I’m weak and it’s hard to get up. This doodle is the extent of my capabilities in the current moment. I wanted to share a state that I usually hide from people.

I am out of spoons

I am out of spoons. A cold has triggered some of the more horrid bits of my disability. I’m weak and it’s hard to get up. This doodle is the extent of my capabilities in the current moment. I wanted to share a state that I usually hide from people.

I am afraid to work full time and I am afraid not to

I have a disability called Ehlers Danlos (hello any fellow zebras) which affects my joints and the rest of my body in a bunch of weird and not-so-wonderful ways. At the moment I work freelance part time and some weeks my body can handle that and more but others it just can’t.

I’m currently applying for full time jobs because I’m living with my mum and I can’t do that forever. There are a bunch of other reasons and complicating factors but at the end of the day, financially I need to work full time to live but physically I’m not sure it’s possible. And if it is, I’m not sure how much of me will be left at the end of it.

I’m going to try it out anyway but I’m scared. That’s what this bit of art is about.